I agree with you that my humble attempt leaves much to be desired and probably deserves to be disliked by you and others.

Yet, I respectfully disagree with your high praise for the other translation. Of the four lines you cited only the first one is fine, whereas, from viewpoint of Yiddish, "nor ikh muz ba mayn tsuzog shteyn", is contrived beyond the call of duty. The stylistically helpless "ba mayn tsuzog (sg.) shteyn" certainly does not convey the sense of the original and very natural "promises to keep". The last line (twice repeated which by itself is of course fine) is also quite awkward. At least at first glance it looks quite convoluted: is it a nonsensical "shlofn mayln", or perhaps even "geyn shlofn mayln"? However, it may well be that the actual text has a long dash in the mid-line position: "un eyder shlofn – mayln geyn".

Having said that, this translation is probably still far superior to mine. Also, I haven't seen it in its entirety. It is, nevertheless, important to remember that a seemingly good or better translation is not necessarily so good unless it can stand on its own as a good poem in the language into which it was translated.

Many thanks for your comment. It is frank and quite concomitant with my own doubts concerning the quality of my, alas, abysmal attempt to translate this wonderful poem into Yiddish.